An excerpt from...

The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

"I wanted to command more space than I was commanding, but then I knew I was too shy to know what to do with the attention if I did manage to get it."

K. x

Storms a-brewin'

A typical Melbourne sky. Cloudy/clear/hot/cold/all kinds of messed up.

Still not quite sure what to do with it all. But the hint and promise of clear skies keeps my mind clear and motivation high.

All will be well.

K. x

And so it begins...

With 15 minutes left on my internet access, here's a brief update on my journey to wherever.

Work by MISO

Arrived in Melbourne yesterday to a cool 22 degree evening. Settled in, somewhat, and feeling odd. I can't really ask for more at the moment.

Tried to familiarise myself with the city by walking the streets without a map. I ended up walking in circles, of course, but sometimes you have to do things a few times before you remember them.

Apparently it's not as easy to automatically switch to New City Mode. I feel like I've just re-entered high school at the lowest rank. As if everyone that looks at me knows I don't belong here...yet.

That's ridiculous, obviously. But I've come to terms with the fact that it's gonna take more than a couple of days to use my self-belief and hidden confidence to their utmost.

In the meantime I am rediscovering what it feels to be in your own company, in a new place, with little else to rely upon. What I do have, however, is the desire to build the life I believe I deserve. One that I've always dreamed of and one that is worthy of telling my grandkids about.

Ignoring the fact that I may never feel the need to have children. So at least one that is worthy of telling my sisters' grandkids about.

Big things will come. Because I will call them to me.

K. x

In the wee hours...

I always tend to reflect on what is not there, what could never work and what was never worth it.

I've never been great at the whole 'moving on' business but this is just ridiculous.

Excess baggage will not be accepted in this case.

Be gone. Please.

K. x

An excerpt from...

THE SECRET GARDEN

"Haven't you ever dressed yourself?"
"Of course not!"

So I took a step back into my childhood recently and watched The Secret Garden on tv. I remember hating Mary for being such a spoilt brat but being oh-so-jealous that she was allowed to run around that enormous house. I wanted my own secret passageways, ivory elephants and ornate keys. Such fantasies.

Watching it in my 25-year-old being, I felt nostalgic. I still loved the movie for the same reasons I did when I was 7. Only this time I appreciated other subtle cues and details. Some things are better the second time around.

"I hate the way you talk about dying."

"Everyone thinks I'm going to die."
"If everyone thought that about me, I still wouldn't do it."

K. x

In 2011...

More Banksy

I resolve to go places.

K. x

Today was a good day.

Banksy, of course.

Work was bearable.
kcwonder.com went live.
My Melbourne move was confirmed.

It's a little overwhelming to think that shit is actually happening in my life, but I am damn sure I have procrastinated enough and now is the time to act. Despite knowing all that I am leaving behind (namely my loved ones), I'm motivated by the endless possibilities that lie ahead and the knowledge of what I wish not to become - content in a mediocre existence.

I won't deny that I am fucking terrified at the prospect of having to build a life from scratch in a place where I know nobody. But I think that fear is what forces ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Drags you out of your tiny box and shoves you into an environment where only the fittest survive.

I don't know how successful I'll be, if the dark moments will supersede the light, if I will throw my hands in the air and concede defeat...maybe. Hopefully not.

What I do know is that I'm gonna be working my fucking ass off making sure I prove myself to myself. And to all the small town folk who are hoping I fail? Fuck you. You'll see me.

K. x